I was in a John Denver kind of mood on Saturday. This is rare because I’m not particularly a big John Denver fan. I used to listen to his music on 8-track as a kid (Grandma’s Feather Bed was a favorite).  And during a family trip to Colorado, Rocky Mountain High made me cry. How could it not when driving over the Hoosier Pass? But sometime ago, I watched one of those made for tv movies about him and my love affair with the good ol’ country boy went right out the window.  Apparently, he cheated on his beloved Annie, pretty much from the beginning. When it came to a head; he took a chain saw to their beautiful log bed.  According to the movie (and Wikipedia), they divorced shortly after.

John Denver had a huge ego and a temper as well.

I put all that ugliness aside that day and listened to many of my old favorites.  One song I find endearing is, Follow me. John Denver’s voice and boyish charm make this song especially sweet.

In an interview, John said that he wrote this song for Annie in the early days when we was traveling a lot and they couldn’t afford for her to come with him.  What a beautiful sentiment, right?

The chorus goes like this:

Follow me where I go what I do and who I know

Make it part of you to be a part of me

Follow me up and down all the way and all around

Take my hand and say you’ll follow me

The song:  Follow Me, by John Denver

I listened to it twice – because when I stumble on a song that hits me, the first time I listen for overall song, second time for lyrics.  I noticed something on that second round.  This song is all about him!  I, me, I, me, I, me! There are twice as many I’s and me’s as you’s.  The you’s are not really about her, they are directed at her.  There is one “we” in that song.

It irritated me. First, why can’t I just listen to a pretty little song without dissecting it?  And second, why should she follow him? Were her dreams less important than his?  Why didn’t he say, I’ll follow you? Or ask if she would follow him?

What if the song went something like this?

I’ll follow you where you go.  And want to know what you know.

I’ll make it part of me to be a part of you

Lead me up and down all the way and all around

Take my hand and I will follow you.

Or better still:

Let’s follow our dreams and know each other.

Let’s make it part of us to grow along the way.

Let’s lead each other up and down all the way and all around.

Take my hand and say you’ll follow me – and when you are weary, I will wait for you. And when I need leading, I’ll follow you.

Ok, so I am not a songwriter, but you get the idea here.

Maybe my reaction was a tad strong, but it hit a nerve.  It’s easy to say “follow me.” It’s not easy to say, “I will wait for you.”  And even harder to say, “I will follow you.”

This rings true as partners, parents, community leaders, corporate executives and heads of state.

My first significant leadership role was as the station manager of WAKW. I was grateful for the faith my board had in me, even though I was inexperienced and nervous. I knew this position would require me to step out of my comfort zone into a place of risk, challenge and possibly failure.

One of my wonderful mentors, Terry Schroeder sat me down one day and said, “Alexia, watch your pronouns. I’m hearing lot of I’s and me’s.”

That was a bit of smack in the head, but it was true.  Isn’t it the truth? When we are insecure, it’s about us. When we are focused and confident, it’s about others.

Leadership, most certainly, includes running ahead of the group, clearing the path for others.  It’s being a visionary. It’s embodying the values of the organization at a cellular level.  I hope that includes developing leaders who are willing to follow.

It’s cliché to have mentors and coaches outside your organization who help you become a better leader.  But what about those who are within? Your kids, your employees, your spouse or partner, your clients, millennials, people on the front line of your organization. What do they think? Organizations that encourage leadership at all levels prosper the most. Families that incorporate their kids into decision-making, are happier and have more fun.

Humility goes a long way.  It says to people “I don’t know everything.” “You hold pieces that I can’t possibly know and you may be right.”  It also says, “I value you.”

Pause.  Listen. And let others lead.  It’s an ongoing practice, not an annual event.

Mr. Denver didn’t do that.  In this profound apology song (I’m assuming to Annie) he says:

I’m sorry for all the lies I told you

I’m sorry for the things I didn’t say

But more than anything else

I’m sorry for myself

I can’t believe you went away

All I can say is, “wow.”  I hope he figured out at some point that it wasn’t all about him.

Leadership at every level is a “we,” “us” and “our” endeavor.  Let’s watch our pronouns and create beautiful music together!

All the best,

Alexia

The image above is from a series “Follow Me To.” Russian photographer Murad Osmann is taking the viewer on an intimate journey together with his girlfriend who’s leading him around the world. More can be found at his Instagram:  https://www.instagram.com/muradosmann/?hl=en

PS Feel free to share!

 

Alexia is a leadership coach who works with individuals and groups to help them discover their mission and experience a more meaningful life.  Contact her at alexia@alexiazigoris.com for more information or visit her website at https://alexiazigoris.com to learn more.