The other night, my father had a few people over for a fabulous home-cooked Indian dinner. Among his guests was George, a man my father has known since the early 1970’s.  I asked George about his life as a young man in Greece and what brought him to the US. So he told us the story of his passage by ship from Greece to America. He arrived in New York Harbor in 1956. He was just 18 and didn’t speak much English except he knew how to order fried chicken! George was sent to America with the blessing of his mother who wanted him to have a good education. So he learned English, went to college, got a good job, had a lucrative career, married, raised his kids, has lived and is living a full life in America. This is his home.  Everything that is important to him is here.

As dinner progressed, our conversation turned to politics.  Of course, as an immigrant, George had much to say about the current administration’s immigration policies. He expressed his thoughts and genuine fears and we listened. It was a vigorous dialog with each of us chiming in when we felt the need to.

For Greeks, debating is a natural part of life. Put an issue out there and you’ll see some good in-your-face conversation.  It often gets loud. Sparks fly. Ultimately, when dinner is over and we say goodbye, it’s with a kiss and a promise to see each other again, very soon.  It’s expected that we will disagree; with an understanding that we are part of the same community.  I think that’s why Greek communities (especially in the US) are still very tight.

It’s disheartening to see how polarized Americans have become over politics. The one benefit coming out of this division is that is that more of us are involved in the political process now than have been in several decades. Including me. But at what expense?

Please keep reading…  This is not a political rant, but more about how we get along with others.

Henri Nouwen, a priest, author and theologian has this to say, “Hospitality means primarily the creation of free space where the stranger can enter and become a friend instead of an enemy. Hospitality is not to change people, but to offer them space where change can take place. It is not to bring men and women over to our side, but to offer freedom not disturbed by dividing lines.” http://henrinouwen.org

I think what he is saying here is that hospitality is a place of freedom, not forced change.  Hospitality is a means welcoming people with differing opinions to the table.  The Greeks have a word for this, it’s Philoxenia.  I experienced this over and over again while in Greece last summer.

Here are a few more excerpts from my travel journal.

 

Lesson #4 – Set the tone.

Philoxenia is the Greek work for being a friend to the stranger. Philia means brotherly love; Xenos, stranger. It’s a deeply held value in Greece. The spirit in which you open your home, your table, your heart is most important. Philoxenia was clearly demonstrated by my father’s cousin George.  (Not to be confused with the aforementioned George.) George has a home just north of Athens where we stayed for several nights.  The night we arrived, George drove from the city to meet us. George is my father’s age and is still actively working.  This is his second home in the country so it wasn’t exactly around the corner from where he lives.  We’d been traveling all day and had many diversions, thus we were running late. Not just kind of late, but hours late.  We arrived after 10 that night. George was waiting for us.  The lights were on.  He welcomed us. He didn’t rush us or hurry off. Time didn’t seem to matter.  He was just glad to see us.

We were not only late, but tired and hungry.

He hadn’t planned to feed us, but had tomatoes, cucumbers, onions and green peppers on hand.  So we made a salad.  The men drove to the local taverna to pick up bread and meat. We gathered around his table that night and ate until we were satisfied.  Many glasses of wine were consumed and we talked well into the night. Cantaloupe was our dessert. The conversation was rich and free. The food was simple and good. This wasn’t a display of showmanship, it was hospitality at it’s best.  It was an open table; a place where we can learn from each other and about each other, which we did that night.

Daily application:  Make space for others.  Their ideas, their energy, their food…  Whatever they bring, it’s all part of creating a place at the table for everyone.

 

Lesson #5 – Be patient.

If you are traveling as a group, you must wait for others; even if you are not necessarily interested in the activity at hand.  As a family, we’d never been together for that many consecutive days on a trip.  I think we all wondered / worried how that would go.  It was remarkable, but we pretty much stuck together. Our fearless leaders held a pace that allowed for everyone to poke around.  When we needed to pick up and go, we did.  Sometimes a few would go one way and some would go another.  If someone needed more time to look, shop or explore, we did it together. I never felt rushed or like I was holding people back. This was a big lesson for me.  I operate on a fast track and sometimes find it difficult to be patient with others.  This time, I was the one who needed more time.  My family accommodated me – with pleasure.

Daily application:  We all move at different speeds.  Grace means allowing people to move at their own pace and letting them come to an understanding in their own timing without trying to force change.

 

Lesson #6 – Listen longer.

During my radio days, if we made a program change, I’d get a deluge of calls. Most of them were from people complaining. I’d listen so they could vent. It was my job.  Nowadays, listening is more about actively engaging in the heart and mind of the other person. It’s also a skill that can be learned.

Taking time to really listen was the single best thing I did on this trip. Listening as a means of understanding yields MAGIC! I can’t tell you the enormous blessing it was to have conversations with the people I love most. I learned so much more than I imagined. I wrote this little tidbit in my journal very early in the trip:  Listen a bit longer, Alexia… you’ll hear things you need to know.  Don’t be satisfied with just the high points.  

Daily application: Understanding beats knowledge hands down.  Always go deeper if you can, it makes a lasting difference.

 

 

All the best,

Alexia