{"id":2274,"date":"2020-03-20T17:33:22","date_gmt":"2020-03-20T21:33:22","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/alexiazigoris.com\/?p=2274"},"modified":"2020-03-23T12:39:53","modified_gmt":"2020-03-23T16:39:53","slug":"good-grief","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/alexiazigoris.com\/good-grief\/","title":{"rendered":"Good Grief"},"content":{"rendered":"
The photo above is from Blink<\/a>, a city-wide art projection festival in Cincinnati and Covington. This is the Cincinnati Museum Center<\/a> with a man wearing a sports coat, arms raised victoriously. It was my first “Dad Spotting.” I’d like to believe it was\u00a0my dad assuring me, “Hey, I’m good. Just hanging out in one of my favorite places.”<\/h6>\n

 <\/p>\n

I\u2019m no expert on grief, except that I\u2019ve experienced it. We all have – to some degree. When my father died last September, I wasn’t prepared for the grief that followed. I hated it. It was hard. I just wanted “get through it.” As with most people, my grief was defined as sadness, loss, missing someone, wishing they weren\u2019t gone. You know\u2026 That\u2019s how we define<\/em> grief. It\u2019s a process of letting go, right?<\/p>\n

What I didn\u2019t expect was all the other emotions that surge… Anger. Isolation. Fear. Loneliness.<\/p>\n

I was now without my Dear Ol’ Dad and my world would never be the same. He knew me in ways that others didn’t. He’d tell the same stories and stupid dad jokes. He laughed from the shoulders up – which made the whole family chuckle. He was always reading a new book and planning a trip or some quest. Even the disappointing aspects of my dad were no more and I missed them all. Any future with my dad was gone. Now only a memories. And I was left to sort it all out.<\/p>\n

Life moved on. I went back to work, saw friends, went to dinner, attended parties. During those first few months, all I wanted to do was talk about my dad. “Remember the time\u2026” “Oh, he would have loved this.” “Wish he was here to see this.” But family had returned to their corners of the world – they were the ones who I would have laughed and cried with. I just wanted to talk to someone who knew him and knew him well. Turns out, this is absolutely normal. 100%<\/p>\n

\"\"

A lil book full of <3<\/p><\/div>\n

A friend gave me this tiny book she brought back from Italy. I decided to capture moments when I felt my dad was near in it. I named it \u201cDad Spottings.\u201d And I began to write. That helped.<\/p>\n

A little over a month after I lost my dad, we met up with friends before going to Blink (see photo above). Everyone was drinking beer, having a good time when I saw a friend and her husband, Craig. Craig had just lost his dad, who died the same day as my dad\u2019s memorial. It was the first time I’d seen them since summer.<\/p>\n

I saw Craig across the room and made my way to him. I wanted to give him a hug and express my sympathy. I didn\u2019t know him that well, but we were in the same boat and I wasn’t feeling the “party” atmosphere. I was surprised when Craig, without hesitation said, \u201cTell me about your dad.\u201d Five simple words gave me permission to laud my dad once again. I can\u2019t remember what I said, but it felt good to talk about him and especially to be asked (and listened to.) When I was done yakking, I turned to him and asked, \u201cWhat was your dad like?\u201d He told me how they\u2019d watch golf on tv together. How hard it was not to be able to call him to talk about it. We cried a little, wiped our tears and thanked each other. Then we went back to the raucous. I felt better.<\/p>\n

That moment was impactful. It reminded me that grief is normal, good AND it can’t be contained to when you are alone. It needs to come out and it’s good when it does, especially<\/em> with others. Surprisingly, it does not bring them down.<\/p>\n

That night also gave me more confidence to not hide in my grief. When things bubbled up, I let them out without embarrassment. Too many of us try to stop this emotional discomfort from happening. We mask or run from the pain. Also normal. But it doesn’t have to be that way. We can create safe places. We must do this for each other.<\/p>\n

The more I think about it, the more I see that grief is not just about death. It can be about any loss.<\/p>\n

Grief is the sorrow that accompanies \u201cwhat could have been\u201d or “was” when something good is gone.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Something that may seem small to you, may have significant impact on someone else. Divorce, for example, is a huge loss of something that was once good. Grief accompanies divorce, yet some go on as if it’s no big deal. (It is.) A diagnosis of a terminal illness that changes your entire outlook on life is another. Even a child leaving for college, though good, can be a loss that leaves a hole.<\/p>\n

If you\u2019ve ever grieved, then you’ve loved.<\/strong><\/span><\/h3>\n

Consider this, bereavement leaves are typically just a few days, but it takes months, sometimes much longer to emerge from grief. Heading back to work provides a much needed distraction, but at the end of the day, home can be a lonely place. At some point, it\u2019s “back to normal” for everyone else. It\u2019s anything but that for the person who is grieving.<\/p>\n

Not to point out the obvious, but there is a 100% chance of death for all humans. That means one day, we’ll lose someone close to us. Maybe not today, but life is fragile – we can’t say when. We are experiencing that right now as we face COVID-19 ravaging the world around us. People are dying. We are in a hard time. Yet we can give our heavy hearted friends, family and collegues a loving space and a place to just be.<\/p>\n

(Here is a short segment with me and Shelia Gray on Local12 on How to Help someone returning to work after a loss.)<\/a><\/p>\n

Do this at work (or from afar) so someone grieving knows you care.<\/p>\n