I left my husband of 25 years for another woman.<\/p>\n
It was someone I had lost touch with. I take the blame. When I last saw her in college, she was a young woman who wanted to travel the globe, first with the Peace Corps, then just for fun. She was going to move to the big city, be part of changing the world and live a life of adventure.<\/p>\n
On a cold March day several years ago, I saw her again. She\u2019d taken a very different path \u2013 one that gave her beautiful children, but a lonely life. She was hiding the truth and she was ready to come out.<\/p>\n
A spark was lit and we began our journey.<\/p>\n
The woman was me<\/strong> and I barely recognized myself. Shortly after, I took a leap and came out of hiding. It was the single hardest, yet best thing I ever did for myself. It saved my life.<\/p>\n This quote was sent to me about a year later:<\/p>\n Maybe the journey isn\u2019t so much about becoming anything. <\/em>Maybe it\u2019s unbecoming everything that isn\u2019t you so you can be who you were meant to be in the first place. <\/em><\/p>\n – Unknown<\/em><\/p>\n When I read this I thought: If this is true, hallelujah! I am about to rediscover, not reinvent; and that seemed a little less daunting. It had been a long time since I acknowledged my desires. It felt like utter indulgence. I had no idea how to navigate this new world of opportunities, shiny objects and pitfalls. I needed help.<\/p>\n Jumping outside our insular bubble is scary, whether you are 21, 48 or 70. Here are some practices I\u2019ve gathered along the way. It\u2019s inspired by the PRIDE movement, of which I am a part.<\/p>\n P = Posse<\/p>\n Posse literally means POWER! Having a supportive group of friends, family, advisors to help you stay on course is a MUST! Choose your posse wisely. (Hire a coach<\/a> if you need one. It works.) Close allies need to be diverse, yet on your team. They should know the values you hold high and remind you of them when you forget. Remember (and this goes for any thing in life): there is wisdom in the counsel of many and a true friend loves at all times.<\/p>\n R = Relax<\/p>\n Be open to possibilities, not attached to outcomes. It\u2019s one thing to have a plan (which is critically important), but it’s another to let good things come to you in their timing. Things will come together, however, overly high expectations often lead to disappointment. And disappointment sucks. If you are rigid and things get hard, you may crawl back in your hole. Don’t do that. Give yourself (and others) time.<\/p>\n I = Introspect<\/p>\n The big question: \u201cWHY?\u201d Why must you do this? Why haven\u2019t you done it already? Why is this so important to you? This is the single most important question you will ask yourself. If you are honest, you\u2019ll know what\u2019s right for you. If you are following a prescribed route that someone else created for you, change will not stick. You must know why and if there are gaps in your understanding, keep seeking until you find the answer. Trust me on this one, it\u2019s vitally important to acknowledge all the things swirling inside of you. Lean in to the good stuff, and look for patterns that do not serve you anymore. You may want to write a personal mission statement. I can help with that.<\/a><\/p>\n D = Dynamic<\/p>\n This is where things get fun! As we come out, we need to get comfortable walking in the unknown. There are simply things that are out of our control. When I studied at UC Berkeley\u2019s Executive Coaching Insitute<\/a>, we worked with a \u201claboratory\u201d mindset. We tested skills we’d barely learned and applied new perspectives refining as we went. It required agility. Isn\u2019t that what life is? Timing will never be just right to make changes and try new things. What happens to people who wait for perfect conditions? We never see them. Why? Because they are at home, afraid. Why are they afraid? Because things in laboratories explode!<\/p>\n We make mistakes \u2013 some of them public and others in private – \u00a0leaving us feeling vulnerable. This is risky. I\u2019ve made some pretty big mistakes. I\u2019ve hurt people, made a fool of myself and perpetuated my pain in an effort to find temporary relief when things got hard.<\/p>\n Pressing through change takes courage, humility and perseverance.\u00a0At Berkeley, we were in a safe, supportive environment.\u00a0Gather your posse. They’ll love you regardless. Period.<\/p>\n E = Everyone<\/p>\n Everyone can come out.<\/p>\n It\u2019s a choice. You are not alone. And it’s never too late.<\/p>\n One of my favorite late bloomer stories is that of Colonel Sanders. Did you know that he used his first social security check to start Kentucky Fried Chicken? Whhhaaatttt? Are you kidding me? How does a man start one of the most successful international franchise businesses at 65? Before that, he ran a gas station and served chicken & biscuits on the side \u2013 among a dozen other things he did in his career. AND, did you know he was rejected over 1,000 times when selling his chicken recipe?\u00a0(Colonel Sanders’ Story)<\/a>\u00a0I come from a long line of late bloomers – which is probably why his story gives me so much hope.<\/p>\n On the other end of the spectrum is Jonathan Van Ness. He is a young, openly gay, fun-loving stylist and one of the co-hosts of Queer Eye. He says it this way: “Success is how quickly you move between your failures.” Jonathan is endearing to everyone, primarily because he 100% refuses to be anything but himself.\u00a0(Jonathan Van Ness Hairflipping Free Spirit)<\/a><\/p>\n Whether you feel stuck living out a life you don\u2019t want, are hiding behind someone else\u2019s success (piously sacrificing for everyone around you), want to take a leap in your career or just have a super cool gift that you want to share with the world around you, join the club.<\/p>\n Remember, coming out isn\u2019t something we do once or even twice. The Human Rights Campaign puts it this way:<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s a journey that we make every single day of our lives. It\u2019s a brave decision to live openly and authentically.\u201d <\/em><\/p>\n We really are all in this together and we need you.<\/p>\n Please. Come out.<\/p>\n {Enjoy this musical epilogue}<\/a><\/p>\n Song for a Friend – Jason Mraz (It’s an anthem)<\/a><\/p>\n (The cover photo was taken at a Dancefix flash mob in early 2014, right\u00a0around the time, I met myself in the mirror. That’s Leslie Guzman’s arm attached to mine, in case you were wondering <\/em>\ud83d\ude09 \u00a0)<\/em><\/p>\n Do you have a growing organization that you are taking to the next level – but you need to grow your leaders? Let’s talk.\u00a0I am a leadership coach who works with individuals and groups encouraging and equipping leaders to grow up, not give up.\u00a0Contact me at\u00a0alexia@alexiazigoris.com<\/a>\u00a0to make an\u00a0appointment.\u00a0http:\/\/alexiazigoris.com<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I left my husband of 25 years for another woman. It was someone I had lost touch with. I take the blame. When I last saw her in college, she was a young woman who wanted to travel the globe, first with the Peace Corps, then just for fun. She was going to move to […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":1581,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[22,24,23,32,33],"tags":[147,133,40,145,144,67,135,149,153,154,152,148,146,37,47,151,84,91,143,45,39,98,150,42],"yoast_head":"