“Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.” It’s the American way and one of the most recognized statements from The Declaration of Independence. It sets us apart as Americans. You would think with this fundamental right, we would be the happiest country on the planet. But that’s just not so.

Happiness is not only out of reach for many of us, it’s not even on our radar. We think of it as a vapor it comes and goes. If we do attain any measure of happiness in our life, it’s largely attached to how well we are doing. Good times = happy. Hard times = sad or frustrated.

If we look at happiness through the lens of living a life of purpose and meaning, it’s a game changer.  Eleanor Roosevelt put it this way, “Happiness is not the goal, it’s a by-product of a life well lived.”

It begins with being very intentional on what you want your life to be all about, specifically, how you will contribute to the world around you. This is directly linked to knowing your core values, where you are going and what ways you can uniquely be of service. Most of us don’t set out to live a self-center life – we end up in that lonely place when we get stuck in naval gazing and over analysis. Taking time for meditation and reflection is the source of a rich and rewarding life… but it goes hand in hand with moving our attention from serving ourselves alone to looking outward. Step in that direction (even just a little) and good things will come.

This process can be viewed as a co-creation, rather than an expectation. It does not “arrive,” it is “practiced,” much like a muscle that is dormant. Once it’s activated, it needs to be worked out, again and again.

If you’ve read some of my other posts, you know that happiness was not always a big goal of mine. So, please, read on knowing that I’m just a “beggar showing others where to find bread.”

Here’s my handy guide to getting happy and getting there fast.

#1 GIVE MORE

(Be of Service)

Have you ever noticed that generous people are generally happier?

Look around. The needs are vast. From your neighbor who has fallen ill and may need checking in on, to the thousands of hungry children in your community, to those who need a helping hand with finding a job or just having someone who cares… there are more needs than people. No matter how rich or poor you feel, you have resources to give. A plus to all this kindness is what scientist call a “helpers high.” Altruistic behavior actually releases endorphins in the brain, producing positive feelings. A wide range of research has linked different forms of generosity to better health, even among the sick and elderly. (National Institute of Health 2009)

Perhaps you heard the story of Johnny Bobbitt, a homeless veteran, who used his last 20 bucks to buy gas for a young woman who was stranded late one night. Kate McClure was that woman. Out of gratitude, she launched a fundraiser that yielded nearly $400,000. Johnny now has a home and is donating money to a grade school student who is helping veterans. Here’s the story as it appeared on CBS in December 2017. https://www.cbsnews.com/news/johnny-bobbitt-buys-home-fundraiser/

Talk about a cycle of giving – this story is a flywheel! It started with a man giving, even in his lack, to paying it forward, from his abundance. How much more do you and I have to share with others?

Think of something you can give today and just do it.

#2 OPEN YOUR MIND & HEART

(Think Differently)

Opening your mind may be simple, but it sure isn’t easy. In their book, The Art of Possibility, Rosamund and Benjamin Zander, start with a principle called, “It’s all invented.” It means, if you are looking at a situation, “all the assumptions you make about it are in your mind.“ We have the capacity to create a new framework around the situation. Only when we open ourselves to unknown possibilities, will we see fresh opportunities without limitations.

They give this example:

A shoe factory sends two marketing scouts to a region of Africa to study the prospects for expanding business. One sends back a telegram saying,

SITUATION HOPELESS <STOP> NO ONE WEARS SHOES

The other writes back triumphantly,

GLORIOUS BUSINESS OPPORTUNITY <STOP> THEY HAVE NO SHOES

Who was right? Both.

Who is going to win? The second guy.

Benjamin Zander is the Grammy-nominated conductor of the Boston Philharmonic Orchestra; he has collaborated with the most unlikely sources to inspire and heal adults and children through classical music. Where others saw obstacles, he saw possibility. His thought, people who do not like classical music are just people who don’t understand it.

“In the measurement world, you set a goal and strive for it. In the universe of possibility, you set the context and let life unfold.” It’s not only freeing, but a much more enjoyable existence.

What would it look like if we approached every situation open to possibility? We might just be surprised that the outcome is better than we thought.

#3 RECEIVE

(Act of Courage)

Allow others to lead you. The act of receiving is, by far, one of the most difficult. Leaders, especially, are expected to have all the answers or at least know how to fake it while forging though obstacles. The best leaders are good receivers as well. This comes in the form of positive and constructive feedback, a helping hand and, often, much needed encouragement. Receiving requires vulnerability, which is why it’s actually an act of courage and humility. Don’t let your pride steal someone else’s joy of giving to you.

Learn to say, “Yes and thank you.”

It’s like this:

  1. Happiness begins with giving (to yourself and others).
  2. It grows with a mindset of abundance and possibility.
  3. And it’s perpetuated when we receive from others.

Even shorter:

  1. Give
  2. Be Open
  3. Receive

<Rinse and repeat>

Happy New Year! May this be your Best. Year. Ever.

All the best,

Alexia

Alexia is a leadership coach who leads leaders to a greater good by helping them discover their mission and vision in life.  Contact her at alexia@alexiazigoris.com for more information or visit her website at https://alexiazigoris.com to learn more.

 

Above Photo: In October 2017, 24 students from around the globe attended the UC Berkeley Executive Coaching Institute to grow as leaders and coaches. I was fortunate to be among this group. BECI’s mission is to enable all people to develop their authentic selves, live their values and make a positive impact in their organizations and the world. As Berkeley coaches, we are committed to being of service by helping others live a more meaningful life.